run time: 106 mins
considered: Comedy, Fantasy
director: Seth MacFarlane
starring: Seth MacFarlane, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi, Patrick Warburton, Matt Walsh, Jessica Barth, Aedin Mincks, Bill Smitrovich, Patrick Stewart, Noah Jones, Sam J. Jones, Tom Skerritt, Bretton Manley
movie summary: Every kid wishes that their stuffed animals would come to life, play with them, and be best friends forever. Little John Bennett (Brett Manley/Mark Wahlberg) makes a wish when he gets a teddy bear for Christmas and the next morning his bear Ted (Seth MacFarlene) magically comes to life. The pair grow up together and their friendship stays strong until John meets Lori Collins (Mila Kunis) who wishes John would grow up and stop his childish ways with his pot smoking/alcholic teddy bear.
When Ted comes to life, he is an instant celebrity who appears in the news across the world and even appears on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He stays loyal to John through his teenage and young adult years, but his superstar status has allowed him to develop some bad life habits. When his 15 minutes of fame is over he has nothing in his life except John who now has a beautiful girlfriend in Lori. The couple have been together for four years when John decides it’s time to get serious and take the the next step which Ted thinks is crazy. When the couple go out for a fancy dinner they come to Ted entertaining a bunch of strippers and their house is destroyed. Lori gives John the ultmative, it’s either the bear or her.
John takes Ted out to have a heart to heart talk about him moving out, finding a job, and becoming his own man. Ted hates the idea but has not choice but to move into an apartment and get a job at the grocery store. He instantly falls in love with Tammi-Lynn (Jessica Barth) and they begin a steamy relationship that involves hooking up at work on several different occasisons. Ted’s boss is a pretty dumb guy who prompts Ted to Assistant Manager within a few weeks for having the guts to be intimate at work. John and Lori meanwhile continue their relationship without Ted around even though everything isn’t as peachy as it seems.
Ted and John have been hanging out on a daily basis, sometimes John creates an emergency so he can escape work early to go get high with Ted. Lori agrees to have dinner with Ted and Tammi-Lynn where the girls get in a nasty name calling fight that ruins dinner. John agrees it’s time to put some separation between Ted and himself which works until Ted throws a huge party and Sam Jones (playing himself), star of their favorite childhood show Flash Gordon, drops by to do some crack. Ted begs John to stop by so they can share this moment together, but John is at Lori’s bosses house for a dinner party. He sneeks away for what he hopes is only 10 minutes which actually turns into an all-nighter. Lori stops by Ted’s to see how messed up John is only to leave him right there on the spot.
John blames Ted for losing the most important thing in his life. After a few days Ted meets with Lori to explain that he can be a better friend and let them have their relationship. Ted then drops by John’s hotel room where they get into a hilarious fist fight that completely destorys the room. The next day Ted sets up a meeting between the two lovers who meet at a local pub. Ted stays back in their apartment where he gets kidnapped by a guy and his son. At the kidnappers house Ted tries his best to get a hold of John and Lori but the guy who has him appears a little bit crazy so there’s no guarantee that Ted will survive before he can reach someone for help.
my thoughts: Family Guy is a love it or hate it kind of show, the show’s creator Seth MacFarlane has a vivid imagination that brings joy and laughs to many while offending a lot of other people. Seth had the brilliant idea of making a live-action movie that brings a stuffed bear to life, little did he know he brought to life one of the most vulgar comedy movies ever written. The movie Ted is filled with ethnic slurs, sex based jokes, substance abuse, and the struggles of everyday life. The whole movie is one big laugh out loud moment from start to finish with crazy antics and one-liners.
Mark Wahlber is at his best when he is waving a gun and shouting the F word out loud, but he shines in Ted as John Bennett. He is the child adult who never grew up that clings to his teenage party days with his best frat buddy. He complements Ted’s bad decisions and substance abuses issues perfectly, which would have to make this pair one of Hollywood’s greatest of all-time. Mila Kunis plays a character on the Family Guy show which lands her a major role in this movie as the sunning girlfriend John is to dumb to change his lifestyle to keep. She is funny, charming, and sassy when called upon. She loves both the men in her life but a girl can only handle so much before it’s time to reevaluate what she wants. The trio move the story along with their dysfunctional relationships and interactions.
There are so many moments to list as my favourite part(s) but Ted’s job interview and promotion meetings are by far the best parts of the whole movie and no matter how many times I rewatch it I still laugh everytime.
Just like Family Guy, Ted will be a hit with a certain amount of people while the others will be disgusted with this film. If you can stand the jokes and the actions of the characters through out the movie then you should try and watch Ted for a good laugh. If you prefer a romantic comedy and one with less vulgar jokes then go watch something else.
my star rating: 10 out 10
imdb.com: 7.1 out 10
rottentomatoes.com: 68% out 100%
2 thoughts on “Ted (2012)”
Not a huge fan of Family Guy, which is probably why I so surprised to find myself laughing my ass off many times during this. Good review Ryan.
Thanks Dan, Family Guy used to be one of the greatest shows on TV which has sadly turned into complete trash lately. I don’t watch it anymore but will so super excited when Ted 2 comes out next year!!