sextape

run time: 94 mins
rated: 18A
considered: Comedy
director: Jake Kasdan
starring: Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel, Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper, Rob Lowe, Nat Faxon, Nancy Lenehan, Giselle Eisenberg, Harrison Holzer, Sebastian Hedges Thomas, Timothy Brennan, Krisztina Koltai, Randall Park, Joe Stapleton, James Wilcox, Jack Black

movie summary: Friends always like to tease friends that when they get married their sex lives will slow down to a snail’s pace and once they have kids everything will be all but over. Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay (Jason Segel) are happily married with two kids but have lost all their desire to have sex with each other. They were warned by Annie’s parents that life will change when work, kids, and other commitments pop up and that marriage requires a lot of work and patience. In an attempt to spice up their love life and rekindle the spark that once had them having sex several times a day, Annie suggests that they make a sex tape on Jay’s brand new iPad.

Annie and Jay begin their innocent night of fun by flipping through the book Joy of Sex while drinking shot of tequilla. After many shots the pair finally get the courage to hit record and let the experience begin, the next time we see them they are wrapped in blankets in a destroyed living room. Both of them are really tired when Annie asks Jay to delete the video which he agrees to do before passing out for the night.

When they get up the next morning Jay gets a text from a number he doesn’t recognize applauding his work in the video. He has no clue who this person is and begins to question what video this person talking about, when he runs into the house he finds his iPad is synced to his mac computer which has synced with the Apple iCloud which means his private sex tape is now in cyberspace. While he’s stressing at his computer, Annie walks in to find out what the problem is, Jay tries his best to cover his tracks but she’s on to him and flips out when she finds out Jay didn’t delete it and now it’s gone public. They huddle in the bedroom to figure out how to delete it while every time Jay mentions the people they know who might have seen it Annie punches him to remind him how stupid he really is.

Jay figures since the iPad synced to the iCloud that means that at least six to seven people who got a copy of the video because Jay gave away a bunch of iPads as gifts. They sit on the edge of their bed to brainstorm how many people have access to Jay’s iCloud on the iPads only to realize that her mom, their best friends, mailman, and her potential new boss have all been given an iPad from Jay in the last couple of weeks. Annie calls her mom to come watch the kids as they drive house to house to collect the iPads so Jay can erase the video. When the pair get to their best friends house, Tess (Ellie Kemper) and Robby (Rob Corddry) are simply amazed that Annie and Jay had the guts to actually film themselves in the act. They want to tag along to collect iPads to have a laugh at their best friend’s expense.

The four of them reach Hank’s (Rob Lowe) house where he is home alone without his wife or kids. Annie distracts her future boss by doing lines of cocaine while Jay fights the family dog around the house looking for the iPad. Tess and Robby show up to break up the party and get their hands on the iPad, they run back to the car to watch the video for the time and feel inspired for the first time. While waiting for their best friends to finish up in the back of their car, Jay’s phone gets another message about the video. Time is not on their side to find all the iPads before the video ends up on a porn site. The four of them head back to Tess and Robby’s house only for Jay to find out that their son Howard (Harrison Holzer) is the one behind the texts. Howard blackmailed Jay into handing over $25,000 to prevent the video from being uploaded to one of the leading porno sites online. Jay and Annie don’t have that kind of money so they go back to their own house to pick up the kids and figure out a way to get $25,000 and how to turn the tables around on Howard to prevent the video from reaching a global audience.

sextape2

my thoughts: You are welcome to leave me all the hate comments you want but this movie absolutely sucked. When the trailer first came out I was so excited for this movie based on the story and how many laughs it would provide. Sadly though after the first 20 minutes I had lost complete interest in the story, the characters, or how it would eventually play out. I dug out my cell phone (a rarity for me) to check the time and count the minutes until the movie ended. This movie could have been so much more and so much better but disappointed on every level making it by far one of the worse movies I’ve seen in 2014. (Thankfully I skipped Tammy because that probably would have been number one.)

Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz have amazing chemistry together, you could see it in Bad Teacher, and I hoped that one day they would be given a movie where they could shine together as an opposites attract kind of couple. Sex Tape was not what I was expecting in regards to a storyline for these two but it offered something new and refreshing. What happened somewhere along the writing process though is the people in charge decided to throw in every sex cliché you could think and tried to jam pack it into this one story. One would think these two people would know how to work an iPhone, iPad, or the Apple iCloud but instead get outsmart by a teenager who has access to numerous porn sites at the click of a button.

This all appears to be funny on paper but where the whole project goes wrong is in the casting department. One name that just popped in my head is Kevin Hart, imagine if Kevin Hart made a sex tape and then spent an hour and half trying to find it and prevent it from getting released. I know each and every one of you reading this right now would shut off your computer and go line up for tickets. Kevin Hart is an extremely funny guy who sells his pains, frustrations, and hardships while Segel just goes through the movie like a bump on a log. “Oh I got attacked by a dog and didn’t get the iPad, oh well.” He did nothing to bring his character to life and I know a lot of you probably love him from How I Met Your Mother but I don’t watch TV shows and don’t find him to be all that funny.

Cameron Diaz isn’t overly funny to begin with and hasn’t had a good comedy hit since There’s Something About Mary. She is casted more based on her beauty then her jokes and this movie is all about her getting naked which in the end will not sell enough tickets. Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph if someone else had been cast in this Annie role this movie couldn’t have taken off and had a smoother flight then the one you’re in for. There are many supporting characters to love like Robby, Tessa, and Hank but none of them made me really laugh like I was supposed to. I read someone’s review that loved the role of Hank played by Rob Lowe based on his past of drug use and for having own sex tape. His part in the movie is really pointless and unnecessary unless you wanted to see Segel get attacked and beat up by his family dog. Hank’s character is never given a chance to have a real impact on the whole story of a viral sex tape but then maybe he wasn’t meant to be and it was all a built up for nothing.

Rob Corddry is spot on as Robby the best friend who can’t believe that he knows someone who made a sex tape. He’s the kind of guy who wants to know all the juicy details of everyone’s relationship because his is rather dull and boring. He’s willing to whatever he can to get his hands on the video and tag along for the ride to watch this friends make complete fools of themselves offering up little to no support. His wife Tessa is no help to Annie or Jack while Annie’s mom is a complete idiot when it comes to technology so is spared any horrors based on her inability to work anything. There’s two main characters in this story but these supporting ones just cloud up the story and take away some of the potential humor that just isn’t there.

my final thoughts: I’m already getting grilled for saying how bad I thought this movie was but that’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it. I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone but if you must see it go on cheap Tuesday, or wait for it to cycle to the cheap theatres and video on demand. Take the $13 you would spend on this movie and put it to better use, like a down payment on a new iPad!

my star rating: 2 out 10

imdb.com: 4.9 out 10
metascore: 37 out 100
rottentomatoes.com: 20% out 100%
rogerebert.com: 1.5 out 4

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