First, I’d like to thank WordPress for saving my review, which was 486 words long, and then making it magically disappear when I came back to proof read it. There isn’t even a “revision” history which makes no sense whatsoever. So I will rewrite this and it probably won’t be as good as the first one…

The review started just like this: I’m going to leave a space here at the beginning, to allow people to fill in the blank on why they love Youngblood the movie and why they consider it to be an epic hockey movie.

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Now that you have had your opportunity to tell me about the movie, I am going to tell you why I thought it was terrible. I had only seen Youngblood once in my life and I hated then, so to make sure I watched and reviewed all the top hockey movies, I painfully sat through this farce yet again last night. Youngblood ultimately is a mockery of all hockey movies that have come before and after it. I wish I could have been drinking after a game with writer and director Peter Markle, who had to have been drunk when he wrote this. He named his movie Youngblood after superstar in the making Dean Youngblood (Rob Lowe). Although this came out first, I felt I was watching the hockey version of Bull Durham. Who exactly are the Youngbloods and how did they get their name?? I have never stumbled across that name in my life and find it quite odd that would the name of a superstar whose got his own movie, like it seems too good to be true.

I’ve been playing hockey since I was five, and watching it religiously in my free time since I can remember. Never in my life have I seen a three game championship series played out one game a week for three weeks. This movie took place in 1986, not 1886. Why the long delays? Was it for character development or did they take stage coaches up to Thunder Bay to play the games? This particular part showcases the sloppy writing, which was probably done by a hockey player who didn’t understand anything outside of the rink. During the championship series, Youngblood comes to realize he must fight to win, so after crying his way home, spends a week getting trained how to fight by his brother and father. I know Rocky Balboa is a professional fighter, but I bet even he couldn’t pull this kind of training off. It literally makes no sense. It’s like telling Wayne Gretzky (the game’s greatest scorer) to stop passing the puck and drop the gloves, a complete 360 of his character and style. Speaking of fighting, in no league on the face of the Earth would two players be able to end a contest with a stick joist, followed by a brawl. The game was decided with three seconds left, so there was no need for a knock out boxing match, which turned out to be very anti-climatic anyways. Sure the training may have paid off, but the acting is so lousy in the movie, it is hard to tell anyways.

The game has changed a lot in 32 years, but anyone who puts someone else on their death-bed in the hospital, usually gets a review for some sort of punishment. For dramatic purposes here, slashing people in the head is okay, because we need those players to fill out the big brawl at the end. None of this makes any sense and the story does not give the game of hockey the justice it deserves. Yes, brawling and fighting were/are a part of the game, but not in the way they showcase it here. I feel bad for anyone who loves Youngblood, because now that I’ve seen it twice I can safely say I won’t ever watch it again. Ever. Lastly, I’d like to thank the agent of Keenu Reeves, who probably paid for his acting classes, AFTER his goalie role here in Youngblood. I can’t imagine a world without John Wick, and had he stayed on the path he showcased in this movie, we would have been robbed of one this generation’s most talented actors. 1/10 

 

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