Dumbo (2019)

Dumbo’s release shows that Disney has run out of ideas, so to keep the big money machine moving they have to tell us the same stories that we already know. If you were worried about how bad Aladdin was gonna be, let me say that this movie sets the bar pretty high for movie flops so you can breathe next month when that movie comes to town.

This live action movie about a flying elephant was terrible. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. Save your money for Avengers or some other movie Disney will soon own the rights to. Avoid this movie that is about broken-souled humans than magical elephants.

The story never really takes off and the focus is all wrong. The animated classic had barely any greedy humans in it. That particular film was all about the animals in the circus and the magic that Dumbo possesses. In this movie, directed by Tim Burton,  we get circus owner Michael Keaton who acts like Bruce Wayne with his financial power but still wants to be Ray Kroc. I spent the entire movie wondering what happened in the third installment of a fictional Batman universe, where Batman and The Penguin would team up and own a circus together. Danny Devito played The Penguin in Batman Returns, and now plays the owner who buys Dumbo’s mom from another circus. To round out the headliners, Colin Farrell joins the Disney family as a one arm guy who can’t get over the past to see the bright future his kids have. Eva Green and her French accent were wasted here as an acrobat who trains to fly with Dumbo. This lovely lady was a Bond girl 10 years ago and then played the Queen in 300…now she flies awkwardly on CGI elephants?!? What has Hollywood come too? Also, don’t get me started on Michael Buffer. That guy is famous for saying one line, which is for major fights, not a circus. If you needed any proof how bad Burton’s movie is, look no further than having the world’s most famous announcer say “let’s get ready to Dumbo”.

I can’t wait for the “Everything Wrong With” video on Cinema Sins’ YouTube channel. I want him to butcher this movie like I did. Whenever we watch one of his videos about a movie we both hate we always hope for a high sin count and get disappointed when it barely cracks 100. He will definitely have his work cut out for him here, considering the whole movie is a sin from start to finish.

Anyways, it’s not all gloomy, the CGI elephants are pretty cool. You would almost think they are real. Maybe if I was in a better mood I could have complimented them, but I can’t. Disney had so much time to actually make this a movie worth seeing and it failed at every turn. They do get mad props though for completely burning down a major circus theme park. I won’t say that was the highlight for me because nothing stood out for me. Like at all. Dumbo was 1:51 long and it can be summed up as a movie that failed to live up the animated movie and the pressure from the rest of the world to be enjoyable and successful. 2/10

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